Still Fighting

Well, the battle continues.

I think I almost had it licked this past Sunday. I was locked in a vice grip with temptation, neither it nor I being able to pin the other down (thanks, Shirley, for the wrestling analogy). I could find my way to sanity, but within minutes, or seconds, of finding peace the temptation would grab me again. I thought I was going to come through, but suddenly I just got up, walked to the kitchen and started eating. This food addiction is a bizarre experience.

Yesterday I kept eating until I was almost sick. When I'm bingeing I basically don't stop eating until I physically can't eat anymore or I will vomit. I wish I didn't have to get to that point before I can shake the lust for food. Now I am in the "I don't want to overeat" stage. The hard part comes when the desire to eat comes back. And the battle begins again.

I've been in this story for at least 20 years, but this time I know I can win. I know it won't kill me, and that I can have peace and even enjoy a balanced life with food after the battle. It's kinda like I'm under siege - I just need to outlast the cravings and they will retreat. And now, at age 41, I know, for the first time, that I can outlast them.