Tired and sad this morning. Maybe it's still the backlash from the cookie episode. I am longing for food. A bowl of cereal, toast with peanut butter, a cookie... doesn't matter what because I'm not hungry anyway. Just wanting some comfort.

Had an unpleasant conversation with the husband last night. I've been working on re-engaging with life the past week or two. As I attempt to manage my self and my time I am confronted with the things that frustrate my attempts. Finding solutions to these hindrances is a necessary part of the process, but in doing so I find myself facing all the pain and frustration of my married life.

I'm struggling even to put it into words. I've been here before, trying to find a better way to manage life, and I am always hurt and/or shackled by Steve's attitudes and words. Consequently, I gave up trying. I disengaged from everything that was frustrating and seemingly unchangeable. Hate working in my kitchen? Don't. Stop planning meals, stop cooking as much as I possibly can. Frustrated by the cramped and inefficent space in the girl's closet? Pile the clothes and deal with it later.

This isn't me. I'm a solution girl. Why be frustrated when a little change can make it much better? I'm confronted with how I have buried my feelings of powerlessness, hurt and anger and simply withdrawn from life.

Am I strong enough to handle the mess of dealing with these feelings, especially in terms of my husband's reactions? I don't know.